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Post by Hesop on Sept 23, 2009 13:38:27 GMT 10
Well, as a few may know, my folks just arrived here from Oklahoma, having driven here with some friends of theirs. My dad's health has been dwindling these few past years, and he has recently been diagnosed with lupis, as well. I managed to spend a good deal of time with him alone today, and had wondered the reasoning of their trip in spite of his health. He had a bad bout just a week ago, and he told me he really thought that was it. He wanted to be sure he could see me again while time still allowed. Once they leave, I do not know, if I'll ever get the chance again. It would appear, that days may be in short supply. So I must make sure that nothing goes unsaid, that questions get answered, and all the love and appreciation I've felt through the years gets spoken aloud. Before they leave he will know that he has continued to be an inspiration and role model for me. We have had a rocky past, that has long been gotten over, but somehow feel that it still is on his mind. So, I must ensure him, that I will always be proud to be his son, and that if I am doing well, and my children are doing well, it is only through his being, that made that possible, and so on, for generations to come. As many times as I have thought this situation over, and mentally attemted to gradually prepare myself for the inevitable, it would seem as if that can never be accomplished. Life is terminal. No one survives. It claims all victims. Let us never forget.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 23, 2009 13:50:21 GMT 10
Man, that was nice Hesop. I have had a rocky relationship with my dad, there was a period of 8 years there where we didnt speak, but its better now, we just finally decided life is to short to hold grudges.
Theres a lot about my dad I dont like, but in the end I love him because hes my dad.
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Post by realorfake on Sept 23, 2009 13:57:45 GMT 10
You're a good man Hesop. Pops must be proud...no, Pops is proud. If anything, opening my mind to all of this information we gloss over on a daily basis has changed my perspective of death and allowed me to cope with the fact that someones physical body is terminal, but NOT their soul. We never disappear, we just move to a different area. If you're having trouble with letting go I suggest you read some of Allison DuBois books... Here is her wikipedia page...she is the basis of the series "Medium" (obviously based on true events) en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allison_DuBoisHere is an interview with her. A clearer understanding of what she is and does...
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Post by dusty on Sept 23, 2009 16:42:01 GMT 10
That is some immensely personal stuff there Hesop. I will tell you this, as a counselor...
You are of the presence of mind to express yourself, and your feelings. Also, you chose to share this experience with a group of people that you only have a limited relationship with.
What this means is, you have a very good handle on what this all means to you, and to your father. Your pain is going to be deep, but your mourning process will be healthy. Meaning, you will mourn, but you will not lose yourself in it.
You are a stable person...thank you for sharing. I for one appreciate it very much.
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Post by brillbilly on Sept 24, 2009 3:11:16 GMT 10
hesop my heart is with you.my ladys mum died of heart attack 2 weeks ago and the funeral was last monday.i have been giving as much support as i can,what can you say,what can you do to make it better,the hurt i see from the loss of the phyical is a heavy load to bare,most in the western world dont understand death untill it is family or friends.i have no fear of dieing and i make the most of every dam minit,i hurt for those who face the loss of a loved one.we can all feel and react in different ways to death so enjoy the one on ones with loved ones and be proud that we have made it this far to build our bridges and make right the wrongs.hesop ,you my friend can stand tall and be proud
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Post by Wes Gear on Sept 24, 2009 4:56:04 GMT 10
ok......new rule........no one can make drextin tear up! hesop as usual you bring to us something so personal that we feel like part of your family.
this isn't about me.........but i lost my dad at 14.......i've always wondered what it would have been like if he had lived.........i would have been graced with years but as you have pointed out it catches up to us all and is no easier after having many years as it is having only a few.
thanks for sharing.......
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Post by Aardvaaks on Sept 24, 2009 5:48:01 GMT 10
I know where you are coming from Hesop, feelings arent always easy to convey especially talking but you got it, in your writing, and you appreciate time is precious to convey things to people that matter. I have had both parents very ill recently now sadly missed, but they knew how I felt about them thru actions as much as few words. All the best!
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Post by dlslith on Sept 24, 2009 6:08:58 GMT 10
Truly an empowering post Hesop. I lost my mom to cancer in 93. I was terrified of hospitals, still am. I would go visit her for 5 minutes every couple of days. The last time I was there, she called me back as I was leaving and gave me a hug and said goodbye. I didn't think anything of it. She died early the next morning when it hit me she was saying her last goodbye. I never got over the fact I didn't spend more time with her at the end to talk and make amends. I promised myself I would never neglect someone I loved again. My dad passed 3 years ago. He was in the hospital for a month at the end. Everyday after work I would go and see him until closing time. I get off at 1:30 pm. The last couple of days I didn't leave his side. We talked and laughed about everything. When he died I knew I had made amends for my previous mistake and came to a peace within myself. Enjoy every last minute with your father. Thank you for sharing this
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Post by Hesop on Sept 24, 2009 12:31:36 GMT 10
First off, yes, this may be deeply personal, but it is also a stark reality of life. We only get one chance with our families. I thank everyone here for their understanding and sharing. It was by sharing this here, that even made it easier for me today. Today, was a good day with dad. I drove him around some this morning, showing him the beautiful scenery here. We then sat on my porch for hours, just talking. I finally had the chance to tell him everything. How he did good, things I learned from him, and that I would always, be proud to be his son. Because of him, his grandchildren are doing very well. I told him that it was easier to teach and raise them, because I had a good example to go by. Not everyone gets these opportunities. Sometimes loved ones pass away, and we live regretful, that words were never spoken, that should have flowed freely. They intended to stay a week, but are probably leaving in the morning. He had another bout last night at the hotel, and they are now concerned about making it back home, before matters worsen. So, if I disappear for a bit, you'll know why.
Some time soon, I will share with you all some of the reasons and events behind all of this. It is much different than you may expect. Again, thank you all for allowing me to share this.
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Post by brillbilly on Sept 24, 2009 12:40:33 GMT 10
respect to ya hesop,the greatest respect, compation and love you have united
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